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Hi my name is tracy and tan, sometimes when i'm bored, i draw people in my head. I listen to music a lot but the best times are usually when i'm on my bike. I hope people know more about me as I built a very tall wall in my heart. I confronted with much more cruel facts than the others. What would have caused this about-turn? The answer was far simpler and lurking at the top of the house. Don't blame on my lame jokes, because i love to hear u laugh, enjoy your laughters. My blog is a collection of my perspectives, thoughts and emotions. I write when I write, what I write.

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" tears on piano, tea of joy "



title:人生重要的过路客
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9:26 AM
Friday, June 4, 2010
Ryan Tan
At the starting of 2010, we got to know him through Sandy and Ying Yun, via facebook.
Tan, penang lang.
1 year elder than us.
Shifted to Japan 3 years ago, around 2007. (when we were form2, he was form3) for further studies.
He lead a dramatical life..
He was burdened with all kind of obstacles in his life, such as being far apart with his loved one (Sandy).
Yet, he managed to be a kind person, a perfect friend of all of us.

After a click to "approve" button, his name appeared in my facebook friend list.
Facebook has became more fun with his appearance, his comments, "zat"-ing, 你问我答 and more..
We enjoyed his appearance.. he has became part of our life..
Although we dont meet face to face, but facebook has tighten our mental distance.
Its our pleasure to have you as our friend.
What i was amazed is his toughness towards his hard life, dramatical life..
(same characteristic as Sandy, from my view)
Compared with him, im just nothing.
Through facebook, we also get to know some of his friends at Japan.
- Yi Fan (dont really know him) & Little Bee (another cheerful friend)
3 of them live together, very very close buddies.


30.05.2010 around 11pm, i was told by Little Bee that Ryan has passed away due to his sudden trigger of brain tremor. I was stunned, and asked Little Bee not to joke on this. Unfortunately, its not a joke. Little Bee was telling more about the details, but my mind was hanged, i couldnt get myself into this fact.

Ryan actually had this disease 3 or 2 years ago. They thought he has recovered, but were known that his illness has became terrible when he oftenly faint. Ryan went to UK for diagnose but its too late already. That moment when he went to UK, he told us that he went for work, but actually he was fighting with his sick... haih, who wants this to happen..

He came back to Japan right on Yi Fan birthday, if im not wrong. He chat with us as usual with laughters and "zat"ing scene (he still afford to zat, lol)..
After that his profile started to appear some desparate post about death, some kind like full stop of life..
We were worried, but didnt know that it was so serious.

Suddenly, we were told that he passed away (2 days after Wesak Day 30/05/2010- 6am).. He left us in a sleeping mode, without suffering, its a good sign.
That moment, i was down of the disappearance of such a good friend.
Feeling like, there was a hole somewhere.. i dont know how to describe that feeling.

Obviously, that night i couldnt sleep well. My mind was full of his faces and feeling pain, this is really what we called 'imba'. Thinking of his words, his thoughts, his comments will not ever appear in our life anymore.. seriously a pain yet sad case..




God bless Ryan end his dramatical, miserable life and lead him to a better life.
A kind person like him shouldnt suffer from these..
Bless all of his friends and family cheer up soon..

Ryan is mentally with us,
he stays in our heart.


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